When I was a kid a special type of books was very popular. The genre could be called romance with erotical scenes as the main reason for the books to be written. Housewives frantically exchanged those cheap paperbacks hiding them from kids and reading them by packs. The books contained no plot, no decent dialogues, no character development apart from characters being beautiful and having sex whenever the plot allowed.

Have modern thrillers taken the place of those books? Is there a target audience for whom certain types of books are produced? These audience oriented books contain a number of obligatory elements that are to be squeezed in regardless of the plot.

The Girl Before is a classic example of such a product. The story is so dumb its mere existence is possible only due to the real estate market being bad. The characters agree to follow the rules of a bizarre landlord because they can’t find anywhere else to live. Is the market in London really so bad or it’s just an invented factor?

Looks like the target audience of the book is supposed to be interested in:

• What the characters are wearing. All of them, always, everywhere, in details; color, material, shape, size, texture. Nothing of it is related to the plot.
• Men who serve as furniture for the book; “slick body under the shower water”.
• detailed sex scenes.
• OB visits, pregnancy tests, pregnancy symptoms discussed at length with no purpose for the plot.
• Parenting problems not related to the plot.

While many books are infected with a certain set of words that authors think make the dialogues sound more natural, in case of The Girl Before the infestation is severe. At one point the word “somehow”, the most popular parasite, is used 4 times by different characters within one scene. The same happens with “that’s all” which is plopped at the end of a phrase regardless of the situation. Somehow it’s just another bad book that’s all. By the end of the book there’s a risk of developing a strong allergic reaction to the words due to overexposure.

The behaviour of the characters often doesn’t match the situation. “I can never say if you are joking” says a character to the one who never jokes. Another character keeps gulping down tons of sadistically cooked food. It can serve as a demonstration of personal traits when done for the first time but it keeps being repeated along the whole book, probably to make the book more salient; hey, the plot was dumb as were the characters, but they had sex and ate live fish so now the book is stuck in my memory.

Surprising as it may sound, there are still two good things to be thankful for. The first one is that narcissistic people and sociopaths are described quite well. I believe many people can benefit from learning what those disorders are and how they manifest themselves.

The second nice thing happens in the audiobook. A complete silence is used to illustrate a situation. The silence creates such a powerful effect that I listened to it several times. I’ve never rewound any record before to listen to its silence. That silence is a brilliant idea. I hope more audiobooks will pick up this tool.

With this book I’m putting on hold my reviews of thrillers. I need some literary detox. There will be one more thriller-related rant but otherwise better books will be discussed. Stay tuned!

Genre: thriller
Stars from Goodreads: 3.76
Stars from me: 2
Available on Amazon

Every now and then I get sad for the trees that were cut to print one bad book or another. What a waste. Thankfully, no trees suffered for my copy, as it was an audio version. When I finished this book I was so frustrated, I felt a need to constantly rant about it, and even more frustrated because I had nowhere to rant about it, my blog didn’t exist then.

That’s why I was so relieved when I found these two reviews on the Internet, first and second. Finally somebody was saying the words that had been clogging up my throat. There are spoilers in those reviews, but some books are better spoiled than read.

Something in the Water is about a couple who don’t know how to behave in the most obvious situations, but probably they were made idiots because the author needed a reason to move ahead with a catchy but highly unbelievable plot about mafia, money, death and Bora Bora holidays.

The audiobook took me through hours of tedious housework, so the book gets two stars from me, not one. You have to be thankful for company when cleaning cat toilets. I was able to zone out and focus on garbage while missing chunks of irrelevant internal monologues. By the end of the book there was a blister in the part of my brain that processes tag questions: ‘He won’t do this, will he?’, ‘They would already be here, wouldn’t they?’, ‘He can’t do this, can he?’ Marvellous grammatical exercise. Shitty internal monologue…isn’t it?

Perhaps, one of the biggest sins of this book is not even the fact that Catherine Steadman doesn’t distinguish Turkish from Arabic, or calls a city with two million people a village. The worst sin is that she doesn’t care if her readers are enjoying her book. There’s a difference between good, well-timed suspense that makes a book even better, and random, unrelated pieces of text jammed into the middle of an action with the sole purpose of moving the finale further away. The second one seems to be exactly what Catherine Steadman was doing.

Reese Witherspoon chose Something in the Water for her book club. I don’t know what kind of housework Reese Witherspoon had to do to come up with this decision. One thing is certain, Reese Witherspoon and I have very different chores and very different tastes in literature.